Powering this bulbous behemoth is a wonderfully smooth turbocharged 3.0-liter inline-six engine, mated to a 9-speed automatic transmission. It is supplemented by Mercedes' EQ Boost system which can add up to 21 hp and 184 lb-ft of torque to the already potent 429 hp and 384 lb-ft from the gasoline engine. It sounds the part of a sporty brute too; our test car came equipped with the $1,250 AMG Performance Exhaust System, which yields a meaty burble at idle and emits delicious crackles on lift-off.

Hands wrapped around the optional AMG Performance steering wheel ($500), I blasted up Angeles Crest Highway, working the gears with the steering wheel-mounted paddles. The transmission, tuned by AMG, responds quickly to the driver's inputs, and downshifts are met with the exhaust's delightful growls. Mercedes' 4Matic all-wheel drive sends power to every wheel, and sticky rubber helps two-and-a-half tons of metal and leather rocket forward with mega hot hatch quickness. The 0-60-mph sprint takes just 5.2 seconds, but feels even faster because of the sheer mass being sent hurtling forward.

AMG's vehicles tend to sharpen the steering feel and precision versus their non-AMG counterparts, and the Mercedes-AMG GLE 53 Coupe is no exception. Despite the obvious drawbacks of an SUV's ride height, it's easy to get a grasp on the GLE 53 Coupe's handling thanks to great steering response and well-tuned variable and adaptive suspension making for a sense of predictability. In its most aggressive driving profile, the GLE does a good impression of a jumbo sport sedan. It drove well enough to conjure evil thoughts into my head, thoughts like "Maybe coupe SUVs aren't such a bad idea" and "maybe a four door really can be a coupe." But no. That's ridiculous.

Despite its composure on twisty roads, in the softer suspension settings, the GLE can feel a bit wallowy and imprecise. Around town, the GLE feels big-boned, as its size is more apparent from the inside than the outside. But these are minor quibbles that become less noticeable as one gets used to its width and turning radius. When equipped with the Acoustic Comfort Package ($1,100) like this test vehicle, the AMG GLE 53 Coupe damps out most outside noise, thanks to added cabin insulation and windows covered in sound-absorbing film. Even the giant wheels don't pierce the GLE's protective cocoon, staving off the world's—and the road's—unpleasantness.